Fifteen Things Life’s Too Short to Compromise On

Autumn view of the private Knoll Cemetery directly behind the Parris House.

As many who follow our social media or who are subscribed to our newsletter know, I hurt my back in a pretty agonizing way packing out the Paris Hill Hook-In on November 2nd. I picked up a heavy tote filled with wool in just the wrong way, having already aggravated my back working on one of our new guest rooms at the Parris House the week before. When it first happened, I knew I had done something pretty awful to a large back muscle, but the event was not yet packed up and toted away, so I kept going. Then I went out to dinner with Heather, then I got home and then…for about a week…I could barely move.

This was a gentle wake up call from the universe, and I say gentle because in the grand scheme of things, this is really no big deal at all. The muscle is healing and the medical professionals say all I need is more strength training and yoga to make myself stronger and more flexible in the future. I’m all for this because I’ve noticed those hive boxes full of honey and the chicken feed bags seeming heavier by the year. So this week will mark my serious return to yoga and my signing up at the gym. And actually going.

Still, as I get older, my own mortality is increasingly in my face. I am fifty four years old. My, and everyone else’s, mortality has been in my face for a long time, though. My brother died thirty three years ago at age thirty one and I have known too many others taken from this life too early. Not to be a complete downer here, but life is impossibly short. Even if you get a hundred years, it’s like the blink of an eye. My own weakening over the past several years and then my literal near-helplessness in the wake of this recent injury have been reminders that time is marching on and that if you’re still having good days, you have to make the most of them.

I came out of this experience remembering in even sharper focus what I’ve come to know at my age: life’s too short for unnecessary unhappiness. I’m delighted to report that the twenty-somethings in my life, my sons, their significant others, and many of their friends, already know these things. I am even more delighted when I see a particularly aware child or teenager, the kind some of their elders might think are a bit “too much” (they aren’t), already valuing themselves, their happiness, and setting boundaries. I wish I had been that kid.

So what is this topic doing on a blog devoted primarily to fiber art and homesteading? I’m writing this here because nothing kills your creativity quite like some of the life sucking things I’m about to talk about. These things can suck your life energy down to nearly nothing, dampen your enthusiasm for living, and damage your confidence. No one is at his or her best when feeling drained. None of these ideas is new or original, nor do they comprise an exhaustive list, but they are fifteen things, all here in one place, that I hope you can consider to protect yourself in order to promote your happiness and your creativity.

OK, so let’s get to it and at the end of the post I’ll offer some resources that also address these issues.

ONE: Do not accept disrespectful or hurtful communication.

I realize that sometimes, in all of our relationships, there are going to be times when things get heated and we say, or someone else says, something we wish we could take back. That’s unfortunately common. What does not have to be common and is not acceptable is this mode of communication becoming the norm. This may have occurred if you find yourself avoiding communication with someone because you know it may lead to some confrontation or drama. If after the problem has been acknowledged at least once, it continues, it’s best to distance yourself or limit your interaction with the perpetrator.

I recently had to ask myself if I’d let someone who’d spoken disrespectfully to me to speak to my sons, my husband, my daughters-in-law, my friends, or anyone I loved in the way he’d spoken to me. The answer was “no.”

You have inherent value and you deserve to be spoken to, written to, and treated as such. Do not accept any less.

TWO: Do not speak negatively to yourself.

If the voice inside your head is hostile to you, it’s time to take some steps toward re-framing those thoughts. After my injury I ended up on the massage/healing table of a dear friend and happened to say, “My left shoulder is a disaster.” She laughed a little and said, “Can we re-frame that statement?” The voice in your head may be responsible for exacerbating your pain, impostor syndrome, self-doubt, self-punishment, or self-sabotage. I do understand that some of us were raised with external voices that shaped our negative internal voice. If that is the case for you, as it was for me, see someone who can help you move toward a loving, self-affirming internal voice.

In other words, don’t speak to yourself in ways you wouldn’t, or shouldn’t, accept from someone else.

THREE: Do not defer your passions.

When I was in high school I played multiple musical instruments, wrote in a journal, wrote long letters to people, did pastel art, and more. I was highly creative. I was also encouraged to do something “sensible” with my life. So I went off to college to study business administration/marketing and after enduring the hazing initiation ritual (it was 1983) of the university marching band seniors, I packed up my musical instruments, it would turn out, even to the present day. I put my creative self mostly away, put my head down, and got on with life.

This is a really unhealthy thing to do. I could write an entire other post on all of the mental and physical manifestations of creativity repressed, but I will tell you in this post right here that that repression is painful and not conducive to happiness or growth.

Maybe for you it’s not music, or writing, or drawing. If you’re reading this perhaps your passion is hooking or knitting or growing your own food. Whatever it is, don’t put it on the back burner. Make time for it, nurture it, and observe how you feel when you do that vs when you don’t.

FOUR: Do not neglect your health.

This is huge. I don’t care how “in your head” you are or how much spiritual strength you have, if your body falls in to sickness and pain, your entire quality of life is changed. For many people, the choice is not theirs. There are a lot of things that can go wrong with the human body that we have very little control over. But there are also things we absolutely can control, or at least help control.

My back failed me after years of me failing my back. As I lifted that tote on November 2nd, my back told me I hadn’t worked out, I hadn’t done yoga and stretching, I hadn’t kept my weight at its optimal level, and that I hadn’t managed my stress levels. It told me I had not earned the right to lift that tote that way because I had not properly cared for the body I was asking the job of. It told me in an excruciatingly loud and clear way and now I have to tell it I’m sorry and take better care of it.

Whatever it is that you have to do to cherish and nourish your body, do it. I know habits and even addictions are extremely difficult to break, but help is available and your life will be the better for it.

FIVE: Put your phone down.

Seriously, limit screen time. There are all kinds of apps for this, for both your cell phone and your computers. I find my relatively screen free days are my happier ones. I know all too well that if you have a business or a job that requires it, screen time is part of making a living. However, limit it as best you can to the making a living part and don’t let it bleed too far over in to the “engaging in pointless drama on the internet” part. I think I can safely say we all feel like garbage when we’ve lost twenty minutes or more to scrolling or online drama and none of us has time for that.

SIX: Do nature.

I realize I live in Maine, which is frankly a natural paradise. I have every possible opportunity to get out in to nature year round, but sometimes I go weeks, or worse, months without really getting much more exposure to it than my daily walks with Wyeth. There are numerous studies that confirm the mental and physical benefits to spending time in nature. As with practicing your creativity, make note of how you feel when you make time for getting out in nature vs when you don’t.

When I lived in suburbia another lifetime ago, I did nature by planting bulbs, getting to parks, and running outdoors, even if outdoors meant sidewalks instead of trails. It’s easier here in Maine, but I believe we can find something of nature almost anywhere.

SEVEN: You’re not a victim.

I want to be clear here. Maybe you have been a victim of something terrible in your life. I am absolutely not saying that no one has been a victim. In my younger years I suffered things that no young person should have to experience or endure. So, in the literal sense of the word, yes, some of us have been victims of something at some time. Perhaps you still are, and if you are, please get the help you need in any way possible.

Here’s what I am saying, though. Our identities, our worth, who we are at the innermost, spiritual level, can not be defined by victimhood. That is not who we are and it is not what defines us. We have intrinsic value and most of us have at least some choices to make about our lives.

I find it helpful to understand myself in the context of any trauma I have experienced in my life, but not to project a sense of victim-as-identity on to new or daily situations that have nothing to do with those traumas. In understanding that victimhood is not who we are, it is easier to move forward in a way that gives us agency.

EIGHT: Choose your friends wisely.

This one is so basic. Life is literally too short to waste any time at all with people who do not lift you up, respect you, cheer you on toward your goals, listen when you need a listener, or encourage you to grow.

Don’t feel guilty if you have to cut ties with anyone who is pejorative, who sabotages your goals, who wants to control you in any way, or who brings unnecessary unhappiness to your life, which includes our next idea…

NINE: Create a no drama zone.

Legitimate drama is a part of the human condition. We and people we love get sick and/or die. Break ups and divorces are sometimes inevitable. Financial crises happen. There is no realistic way to navigate life’s real difficulties without some level of painful drama. How we handle that drama depends on our support systems, our spiritual beliefs, our philosophies, and skill sets. All of that is beyond the scope of this post and certainly I don’t have all, or even many, of the answers on these very difficult experiences.

Illegitimate drama is another story. Create a wall between it and yourself and do not breach it. Examples of needless drama are gossip, catastrophizing, vengefulness, excessive rumination, online bullying or endless online argument threads. If there is someone continually injecting this kind of drama in to your life, you need to create distance and, in doing so, create room for yourself to breathe and be at peace.

TEN: It’s never either/or, black or white, this or that.

A popular tactic in both advertising and political campaigns is the use of the false dichotomy. “If you don’t use Product A, this bad thing will happen.” “If you don’t vote for Candidate B, this bad thing will happen.” “This is the only way to fix problem C.”

No. Just, no.

Whenever anyone or any company or entity tries to tell you your options are limited, be very skeptical. Any problem will have many multiples of solutions, so do not limit your creative thinking in the face of challenges. Brainstorm. Come up with something new or at least novel when you hit a snag. Ask other trusted people in your life for a variety of perspectives.

In essence, life’s too short to limit your possibilities and solutions, especially just because someone or something with an agenda wants you to.

ELEVEN: Keep learning.

Read. Take classes. Listen to podcasts. Try something you think you’re bad at. Do something that scares you. Hang out with someone you think is totally different from you. Start a small business, even if it’s truly tiny. Teach something you know to someone. Listen to an opinion that makes you mad and try to understand how it even exists. Take care of animals and babies even when you think you’ve been there/done that. Travel. Learn a new language. Go to a church service that’s totally not in your tradition. Eat that thing you thought you’d never eat. You get the idea.

Most of what there is to do on this planet, you’ll never have time to do. It’s just a logistical fact. Even if you live a maximum lifespan, there’s just too much to do and too little time. So do as much as you can and watch your perspective evolve.

TWELVE: It’s not enough to look. You have to also see.

I look at things all day. I look at my email. I look at the production work I have to get out the door. I look at my bank account and my Quickbooks file. I check my social media and online shops. I look at the thermometer. I look at what’s in the fridge for breakfast.

On the other hand, it’s only sometimes that I see. My walks with Wyeth are great for seeing. I see the breathtaking ever-changing weather conditions over the mountains, the subtle changes in the seasons-within-seasons with the plants and wildlife, or the way the snow either crunches in to shards or mushes like mashed potatoes under my boots. More importantly, I truly see when I look in to my sons’ eyes during a conversation, or really seek to understand what my dog is trying to tell me with his expression or body language.

It’s easy to look, but the more we see the more profound our lives become and the more inspired our art or every day activities can be.

THIRTEEN: If it’s not a hell-yes, it’s a no.

This is self-explanatory. I have this mantra hanging in a framed graphic in my work studio.

If whatever you’re asked for doesn’t feel like something you really want, or because of deep moral impetus, need, to do, say “no.” Just say “no.” There are endless ways to say “no” politely and compassionately, but you must because, to return to our theme, life is too short and you can not possibly say “yes” to everything.

FOURTEEN: What other people think rarely matters.

I think this is honestly the most important thing on this list because it facilitates all the others. Many of the compromises we make on the previous thirteen ideas are based on worrying about what people will think of us. This is a family-friendly blog so I won’t use the language that immediately comes to mind regarding worrying about what other people think.

You can’t care what other people think most of the time. There are caveats. I care very much what my husband and sons, daughters-in-law, and close friends think. I want their love and respect, of course, and I also want to be a person they can be proud of. I trust them implicitly and if they think something I’m doing is wrong or ill-advised, I’m likely going to pay attention. It is a very small circle of people who have opinions that are truly and deeply significant in my life.

I’m sure that sounds terrible, but I recommend this idea to you even if that means that you don’t give a fig what I think either because I am not in your inner circle of closest humans. That’s as it should be. And this does not mean that you need to be unkind or unyielding or ignore those who might offer an opinion counter to yours or disapprove of what you want to do. It simply means that you can’t care about those things if caring about them compromises what you deeply know are the right choices for you.

FIFTEEN: Don’t backslide or compromise on any of these things.

I do this all the time. I’m writing this post for myself as much as for anyone else. I have my lessons learned, my convictions, my best intentions, and then I backslide and allow some unhealthy choices back in to my life. If we all support one another in these things, we can make the peace and space in our lives to free some of our time and creativity. We can treat ourselves with care in ways that bubble baths, manicures, expensive wines (nice as these things are) can not. Self-care is an inside job, but we can all help one another achieve it in meaningful and lasting ways.

I hope this has been helpful. While writing this I have thought of at least five more things I could include, but this is enough and, as I said, none of this is new. We all need reminders sometimes, though, and hopefully this post has served as a reminder to you to protect and promote your own well being.

Happy reflection and happy hooking. – Beth

Resources:

Here are a few resources you might enjoy if you find any of these ideas interesting. Please note that while I also have a library of Christian books and use Christian apps because Roman Catholicism is my personal primary faith tradition, I have not included those here because I am trying to keep the list universal. If you have a faith tradition (or no faith tradition, which is equally legitimate) that supports your well being, add books, podcasts, and apps relevant to that to this list.

Books:

Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, by Mark Manson

Walden, by Henry David Thoreau

The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle

The Maine Woods, by Henry David Thoreau

Awakening Shakti, by Sally Kempton

Any book by Thich Nhat Hanh

Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl

The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron

The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz

10% Happier, by Dan Harris

Wherever You Go, There You Are, by Jon Kabat Zinn

Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer

Writings of John Muir

Living the Good Life, by Scott and Helen Nearing

Podcasts/Radio Shows:

10% Happier with Dan Harris

How I Built This

The Ted Radio Hour

Becoming Wise

Good Life Project

Apps:

Headspace (meditation training app)

Fitbit (works with your Fitbit device to track health metrics)

My Affirmations (positive re-framing)

StayFree (helps limit social media or other app use)

Keep Notes (list and note maker)

Law of Attraction (meditations, affirmations, vision board maker)

Facebook Feed Eradicator (Chrome plug-in for desktop/laptop – hides feed)

 

Don’t Play Small

Seriously, don’t play small. This has been on my mind as a blog post topic for a while and it’s something I think we need to talk about as makers, artists, artisans, as humans.

I used to be expert at playing small, so I get it. I get the inclination to not put yourself out there, not be too visible, not be overly confident. It’s natural to be overly self-effacing, isn’t it? I’d argue that no, it’s not natural. It’s the result of conditioning, especially for many women. If you come from an upbringing that involved any kind of  hardship or trauma, your inclination to be invisible may be even stronger than average.  But I’m here to implore you: don’t play small. You have way too much to offer the world, a world that needs precisely what you may be downplaying in yourself.

A design I’m planning to work on this winter. When completed, she’s going to oversee the work studio and remind us of who we are.

I teach a beginner design class called, “Yes, You Are & Yes, You Can.”  (In fact, this class is coming right up on November 16th, 2019 if you’d like to not play small with me here at the Parris House.) I gave it that long-ish name because I hear – over and over and over again from so, so many women – “I’m not talented…imaginative…gifted” and “I can’t draw…design…create.” YES.YOU.ARE.AND.YES.YOU.CAN.

If any of you struggle with this concept, let me recommend to you Elizabeth Gilbert’s book Big Magic and also The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. These two books are deep encouragement for the soul struggling with self-belief, with seeing possibility, with loving ourselves and everything we have to offer. They seek to not merely silence our harping inner critic, but to raise out of that silence our inner advocate. If you haven’t yet found your inner advocate, who is your most important ally, surround yourself for now with external advocates who will help you find the one inside.

“Find your tribe” is a terribly common cliche, but the fact is that we know instinctively who builds us up and who tears us down. Part of not playing small is surrounding ourselves with those who want to raise us up. Those people are not obliged to be head over heels about everything you create. Sometimes they may offer constructive critiques because they want to see you get even better than you already are at what you do; this is the mark of a caring and valuable mentor. What they will never do, however, is suggest that you “can’t,” “shouldn’t,” or “couldn’t.”

Not playing small looks different for each person who decides to not play small. There is no ironclad definition here. Not playing small means getting outside of your comfort zone, stretching your usual boundaries, taking one single step beyond what you’re comfortable with. Here’s a good test for not playing small: does the step you’re about to take give you a smidgen of impostor syndrome? (Note: the most successful people on the planet report experiencing impostor syndrome. Having impostor syndrome does not mean you’re actually an impostor at all. It means your conditioning is telling you that somehow you haven’t earned your place in whatever it is you’re achieving.) Does the beyond-your-comfort-zone thing you’re about to do fill you with an unsettling combination of wild excitement and abject terror? Believe it or not, that’s my litmus test for a great opportunity. If I am simultaneously excited and terrified I know it’s going to be great.

For one person, not playing small may mean finally taking that art class they’ve been putting off for years. For another it might be reaching out to a prestigious gallery or venue and pitching their work. For yet another it may be simply facing that perpetually discouraging family member and saying, “I really like what I’m doing. I’m going to keep doing it.” While I believe not playing small yields phenomenal and tangible results over time, that’s not the point. Let me explain that last thing a little more.

When I taught at the Squam Art Workshops in 2015 and 2016, I was delighted to discover that the director at that time, Elizabeth Duvivier, was all about process. I had said to her, “I don’t think the students will be able to finish a 12″ x 12″ hooked project in the time we have with them.” No matter. It wasn’t about finishing the piece right there and then. It was about the process, the discovery, the experience. So what am I saying here?  That results don’t matter? No. Results do matter. I know that I have some pretty lofty result-oriented goals for both Parris House Wool Works and my work as an independent artist apart from my company. In fact, I must meet certain sales and income goals to keep my company viable. However, results are not all that matters. If we put unreasonable emphasis on rigid expectations about our results, we might forever fall short in our own estimation, fueling feelings of inadequacy which leads to, you guessed it, playing small.

In an era of selfies and “highlight reel” social media posts, it is easy to equate “not playing small” with the kind of random attention-seeking that we sometimes see on Facebook and Instagram by people hoping to become “influencers.” That is not what it is at all, though. Offering your gifts to the world is not done shotgun style, hoping that something hits the mark or garners the most “likes” and “shares.” Offering your gifts to the world is about looking deeply at who you are, what your gifts are (you have many), and then bringing them to the venues, contexts, and audiences that will both appreciate them and benefit from them. It is not about unfounded bravado or ego. It is about recognizing that you, and everyone else, are here with talent and purpose and that the rest of the world can use that light in their lives.

There are creative women in my general sphere who don’t play small; some of them never have. I had to come to “not playing small” pretty late in life and for that reason I marvel at and admire the people I know who seem to have been born understanding and owning their gifts. However, I have learned that it’s never too late.

Don’t hide your light. Put yourself and your creativity out there. Don’t play small.

Hook what you love. – Beth

 

June 2019 Trip to Nova Scotia, Canada’s Rug Hooking Playground

My husband, Bill, and I took another trip to Nova Scotia in early June, just for a few days to help our son James move up there. His fiancee is Nova Scotian and they are starting their lives together. I’m a wee bit envious that he’ll be a permanent resident of Nova Scotia in the near future. I’ve thought about living there myself for reasons beyond the scope of this post.

Beach stones and beach roses on White Point Beach, NS

Anyone who’s seen a Nova Scotian car on the highway knows that the license plate says, “Canada’s Ocean Playground.” I have a lot of empathy for the people of Nova Scotia who may feel about that similarly to the way a lot of Mainers feel about our plates saying, “Vacationland.” There is so much more to Nova Scotia and Maine than our superlative tourist attractions, although we do welcome the income they generate. On this particular trip to Nova Scotia (and let’s face it, on many of my trips to Nova Scotia), for me the province seemed like Canada’s Rug Hooking Playground.

I was headed for the South Shore, specifically, Mahone Bay and Lunenburg. Most of the fiber art studios and a rug show I visited were there, but to get in to Nova Scotia via the route we generally take from Maine, you have to drive through or past Amherst. Amherst ring a bell for anyone?

The Deanne Fitzpatrick Studio, Amherst, NS

We arrived at the Deanne Fitzpatrick studio pretty late in the day, right around 4 PM. I planned to go in, browse, maybe have one of Deanne’s famous oatcakes, pick up some alternative fibers for some projects I have in mind for the fall, and be on my way. It didn’t quite work out that way.

It turned out that Deanne was hosting one of her amazing rug hooking spa retreats and she and the attendees were in the back area hooking. I told the lovely woman in the shop not to bother them, but she said, “Oh no! Come on back! We have a student here from Maine too.” So, I went back to see Deanne and one of my own students was there! It was so fun to see her in this context, learning a whole new approach to hooking in such a wonderful environment.

Deanne Fitzpatrick, Avril Murphy Roux, Beth Miller

We proceeded on to our Airbnb in Mahone Bay, which was still a few hours past Amherst, where Wyeth made a new friend.

Wyeth meets his first up-close horse.

The next morning we went down to Mahone Bay and got a great breakfast (the first of a couple while we were in NS) at The Biscuit Eater Cafe & Books.

Breakfast at The Biscuit Eater

Our next stop was my favorite hooking studio in Nova Scotia, Emcompassing Designs in Mahone Bay, owned by Christine Little, with whom I always love chatting. Her son, Shane, the “Dye Guy” was there as well, working his magic on some more wool, which is conveniently hung on an open roll overhead. In this arrangement the wool can just be rolled down, sliced off in yard increments, and soaked & dyed. This studio is a must see if you are in Nova Scotia on a rug hooking pilgrimage. The quality of everything is exceptional, there is a huge selection (including Christine’s beautiful and never ending array of patterns), and there is a wide variety of “extras” and accessories to choose from. It is no wonder that bus loads (literally…bus loads) of fiber tourists stop here on their tours of Nova Scotia.

Beth Miller, Christine Little at Encompassing Designs, Mahone Bay, NS
Shane, the Dye Guy, at Encompassing Designs, Mahone Bay, NS

We went on to a very different studio in Mahone Bay, Spruce Top Rug Hooking Studio owned by an absolute icon in North American rug hooking and fiber art, Carol Harvey Clark. Spruce Top is housed in a classic Nova Scotian antique home. The first floor is filled with not only beautiful rug hooking supplies, including Carol’s own patterns, but a dye kitchen and a wide selection of finished rugs created by artisans from the area. Take a foray upstairs, however, and you will find a meticulously curated museum of the history of our art. There is an extensive collection of historical artifacts related to rug hooking, each carefully explained on the display plaques. Especially if you are new to rug hooking, this is an enjoyable education in our heritage. If you are not new to rug hooking, you will love seeing the story again and the artifacts related to it. Carol is so very accomplished and so knowledgeable that I never leave Spruce Top without learning something new.

Spruce Top Rug Hooking Studio, Mahone Bay, NS

Next stop was the Heidi Wulfraat Wool Works Studio, also in Mahone Bay, where after years of admiring Heidi’s work online, I finally was able to meet her. She was warm and welcoming, as were her dogs! Heidi’s shop is a wonderland of fiber supplies. Fiber, tools, and accessories suitable for hooking, weaving, felting, knitting, and more are plentiful all in a bright, modern building that creates a cleanly styled backdrop for all that fibery color. Some of you may recall that Heidi used to be in New Brunswick, but when I saw she’d moved to Mahone Bay I knew her shop was going to be a necessary stop for me. As in the other shops, I picked up some cool things to bring home to Maine for future projects here.

Heidi Wulfraat and her pup at the Heidi Wulfraat Wool Works Studio, Mahone Bay, NS
My fiber haul from all the shops I visited.

Thus ended our day in Mahone Bay. Our next stop, the following day…my absolute favorite town in Nova Scotia…the one I love to go back to over and over again? Lunenburg.

Lunenburg is a UNESCO World Heritage Site, home of the world famous schooner Bluenose II and also happens to be the home town of my son James’ fantabulous fiancee, Beth. (Yes, her name is also Beth.) So, our trip to Lunenburg served the purpose of having a nice dinner out with James, Beth, and Beth’s parents and also, well…more rug hooking and fiber sites.

We went to the Knaut-Rhuland House Museum, a historic home in Lunenburg that turned out to be a great place for more fiber education. As we were making our way through the house, we encountered Anne Morison, who is a weaver, period costume creator, and fiber artist who I hope to meet again. She was demonstrating weaving at the museum and is there on a regular basis, so if you visit, seek her out. Also, as you explore room to room at the museum, notice the many antique hooked rugs on the floors.

Anne Morison at the Knaut-Rhuland House Museum, Lunenburg, NS

We went next to the Fisheries Museum of the Atlantic, where I knew there was a rug show going on, organized by the Rug Hooking Guild of Nova Scotia. What I did not know was that the docent for the show that day would be Heather Gordon. I had seen and heard of Heather Gordon’s work on line for quite some time, but I did not know her face. Therefore, until she introduced herself I was unaware that I was in the presence of such an accomplished rug hooker! She was incredibly welcoming and we chatted for a very long time. The rug show was wonderful and will be up at the Fisheries Museum through early October. The museum in and of itself is always worth a visit, but the rugs are icing on the cake.

You can see some of the rugs on display in the photo below, but I don’t want to spoil the show by showing too many of the rest. If you can get up to Lunenburg to see it, it’s so very worth the trip.

Heather Gordon next to her own entry in the show.
Beth Miller, Heather Gordon at the RHGNS show at the Fisheries Museum of the Atlantic, Lunenburg, NS

One side trip we took was out to Lockeport, to not only look at the community, which is near Shelburne where our son and his fiancee are living, but to visit Becky’s Knit & Yarn Shop. This is a very small shop in a tiny seaside town, but it is packed full of beautiful yarns, including some by Briggs & Little in custom colors commissioned by Becky.

The rest of our trip was not rug hooking or fiber art related, but I’ll add a few pics here anyway for those of you who might be thinking of visiting Nova Scotia’s South Shore. Other places we visited were White Point Beach Resort (where we honeymooned in 1987), Ironworks Distillery (where my husband bought me some blackberry gin…), and the Ovens Natural Park. You will not be disappointed if you go.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this summary of my brief trip to Nova Scotia. I’ll be going back in the fall, and several times a year. Nova Scotia is getting to be a second home for us. Consider a visit! You’ll never forget its natural beauty and the hospitality of its people.

Happy travels and happy hooking! – Beth

Poetry as Prayer in West Paris, Maine: A Local Visit from Stuart Kestenbaum

As some of you know, we have a rental property for sale in nearby West Paris, Maine. We were up there working on the house on Saturday afternoon and on our way there noticed the sign you see here, outside of the First Universalist Church of West Paris. I knew immediately we’d have to go.

Stuart Kestenbaum is the current Poet Laureate of Maine. His biography from his website states:

“Stuart Kestenbaum is the author of four collections of poemsPilgrimage (Coyote Love Press), House of Thanksgiving (Deerbrook Editions), Prayers and Run-on Sentences (Deerbrook Editions) and Only Now (Deerbrook Editions). He has also written The View from Here (Brynmorgen Press), a book of brief essays on craft and community.

He has written and spoken widely on craft making and creativity, and his poems and writing have appeared in numerous small press publications and magazines including Tikkun, the Sun, and the Beloit Poetry Journal. He is currently serving as Maine’s poet laureate and hosts Poems from Here on Maine Public Radio/Maine Public Classical

He was the director of the Haystack Mountain School of Crafts in Deer Isle, Maine for over twenty-five years, and was elected an honorary fellow of the American Craft Council in 2006.”

After listening to Stuart Kestenbaum’s poetry and interviews on Maine Public for many years, imagine my delight and surprise in being able to go to a live reading and meet the man himself.

Of course, he did not disappoint. His poetry was personal, moving, and filled with deep references to place that, when interspersed with traditional Universalist hymns, rituals, and readings in a century old rural Maine church created an atmosphere as reverent and holy as any in the world. With so much (deserved) focus on Notre Dame this past month, we would also be well served to remember and honor the smallest places of worship in our very own communities.

Stuart also shared himself generously, offering his own thoughts and experiences, his writing process, and so much more in personal vignettes related to the readings and to us. His work, both in his writing and in his twenty seven years as director of the Haystack Mountain School of Crafts, reflect a deep love for and awareness of the interconnections between nature, making, art, writing, craft, and living as a human on this planet. For this reason, although I was surprised to find our distinguished Poet Laureate at such a tiny venue in such a tiny village in front of, yes, a tiny audience, it also seemed so right.

You see, Universalist churches are a haven for inclusion, and Stuart’s poetry and message felt as though it spoke to all of humanity even as it resonated with us, his fellow Mainers. As I approached the church in West Paris I immediately noticed its lawn sign: “Hate has no home here.” Next to the front doors, literally permanently fastened to the building, is the rainbow flag, a sign that LGBTQ persons are welcomed and loved in this place of worship. These signs of inclusion are soft and welcoming, yet they are also fierce. They are fierce in their message of unconditional love and acceptance, something every major world religion teaches and yet so few of us, if we’re honest, are able to live up to. People of many upbringings and traditions have found home at Universalist churches and for this reason I have always been drawn to them. They are common here in New England where progressive and free thought is both revered and, by some, reviled, and has been for centuries.

For whatever reason, however, I had never been to the First Universalist Church of West Paris. After being warmly welcomed at the door (by Will Chapman, by the way, the full time librarian and archivist for the Bethel Historical Society and part time librarian at the Sabbathday Lake Shaker Village), I was stunned by two visually overwhelming and beautiful features of this century old church.

First, the stained glass windows in this building are just breathtaking. Anyone who is an ardent admirer of stained glass should visit this church and spend some time awestruck by the craftsmanship and detail they show. Second, and of a very different nature, are two phenomenally hand-crafted works of fiber art at the back of the church. They were made by artists in Peru who used their fiber art as a means of support and were gifted to the church by a congregant. They are extremely detailed scenes of life on earth, filled with plants, animals, humans, scenes of village life, all in vibrant color using a variety of textiles and techniques. It was in the midst of this unexpected beauty and craftsmanship that the next hour of poetry, prayer, and fellowship unfolded, and it went by quickly.

At the end of a Universalist worship service, there is a ritual called the closing circle. All of us stood, held hands, and formed a circle while Stuart offered some closing thoughts. He reminded us that the context of our meeting here included world news of the terrible synagogue shooting this past week at Congregation Chabad in California and the Holy Week terrorist attacks in Sri Lanka and offered encouraging words of love and unity. As I stood there holding hands with people who were, prior to that hour, strangers, people who came from many walks of life and many religious or non-religious traditions, I wondered once again why hate gets the upper hand and creates tragedy all over the world. I don’t have the answer to that. I know you don’t either. But I can tell you that for one hour or so in West Paris, Maine, in one Universalist Church, with one Poet Laureate and a small group of loving and welcoming individuals, love reigned.

First Universalist Church of West Paris, Maine
Hate has no home here.
Welcoming and affirming.
Stuart Kestenbaum readies himself for his readings.
One of many spectacular stained glass windows at the church.
Peruvian textile art.
Bridal scene on Peruvian textile art.
So many meticulously stitched creatures.
Let our poetry, and our lives, be a prayer for unconditional love.

Contemplating Sustainability, in Its Many Contexts

Part of last summer’s fresh pea harvest. Peas are notorious for taking a fair amount of garden space and prep time for a relatively small bowl of sweet deliciousness. Are they “unsustainable?” It depends.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the many meanings of “sustainability.” After doing a little binge watching of Marie Kondo’s tidying up show on Netflix, I was forced to re-confront the sustainability of owning and maintaining everything I have. In January, I became aware of an online Zero Waste course sponsored by Eco Collective in Seattle, took the course, and pondered more about both waste and a more intentional use of resources in my life. Additionally, I have been reading about the closures of facilities at Woolrich in Pennsylvania and Jagger Brothers yarns here in Maine with sincere dismay. The word used to describe these operations by the decision makers responsible for the closures was, “unsustainable.”

Of course, there are sustainability issues in our very own microcosms, our personal and career lives. I have two assistants, one on site and one off site, because even with my tiny business the workload required to continue its growth curve was unsustainable for me alone. I recently had to announce that I’d be stepping away in 2020 from a volunteer position that’s near and dear to me because it has become, added to my other upcoming commitments, unsustainable for me. Just this week my husband and I had a heart to heart about the sustainability of my work hours vs rest and family time, because the red flags are everywhere. I attended church with the intention to keep going for the first time in years this past weekend. I have noticed that my mental and spiritual health has reached an unsustainable and yes, unstable, point without a carefully chosen faith community to help remind me that unconditional love is still very much alive in the larger world.

I owe this topic, this integration of what sustainability means in its many contexts, to a post by our friends at Dulse & Rugosa, a beautiful zero waste skin and hair care company based on Gott’s Island here in Maine. I had posted the article about the Jagger Brothers yarn mill closing and Dulse & Rugosa was able to broaden that out to the issue of sustainability in general. I had said that when I was a real estate broker and didn’t get both sides of a home sale, my father used to say, “Half loaves add up to whole loaves.” I’d said that the same held true in supporting – sustaining – the things, businesses, people, organizations, the very planet, that we love. We don’t have to give a whole loaf. We don’t even have to give half a loaf. We just need to give whatever part of the loaf we can when we can. If we can do that, we can perhaps reduce the number of sad business closures we read about on a regular basis.

Dulse & Rugosa responded by posting this image on their social media pages.

Image may contain: sky, ocean, text, nature and outdoor
Posted on Dulse & Rugosa’s Instagram account. Words may be attributable to Blue Ocean Action.

How would our decisions be different if we were planning to stay? While American culture tends to avoid explicit discussions around death, we certainly do behave as though whatever we won’t live to see doesn’t matter. This implies an awareness of our mortality, perhaps only when that awareness is convenient. But what if we lived as though we “planned to stay?” Because, you know, we do stay, long after our mortal bodies are gone. We stay in impactful ways and those ways can be positive, negative, neutral, or somewhere along a continuum of all three. How would we treat the world, which includes the earth, each other, everything in it, if we planned to stay? Maybe another way of asking is, “What would we do if we acknowledged that what we do matters?”

Sustainability is so often a concept used in the context of environmental policy, and rightly so. However, I want to suggest that we also look at sustainability by asking the following questions. I also want to make clear that I struggle with these as much as anyone else does.

  • Of the hundreds or thousands of things that I own, which ones do I want/need in a way that’s sustainable not only now, but also do not burden my loved ones after I am gone?
  • Of all the businesses I say are important to me, how many do I offer sustenance to by buying something from them on a regular basis, even if it’s just a small thing? Do I wear my “Shop Small” pin mostly to big box stores and then feel deflated when my local yarn store folds?
  • Of all the activities I give my time to, which ones create the best outcomes for myself, the people I love, and the larger world?
  • Of all the activities I give my time to, are there any that require taking time away from others? Do others ever have to bear the costs of my allocation of time?
  • When I buy something, how much packaging do I really need? Does visually engaging but ultimately land-fillable (or worse) packaging add real sustainable value or just make the product more salable for its manufacturer at the outset?
  • When I choose my DIY activities, what kind of balance can I strike between those things my knowledge and resources are well suited to and those things I can leave to others, thereby supporting their businesses? (For example, here at the Parris House, we grow vegetables, apples, keep bees, and keep hens. We make our own soaps and of course, we do fiber art. Our resources would not sustain larger livestock, but we can support our local raw dairy and meat producers by buying from them instead.)

At the top of this post I have a photo of last year’s pea harvest. I love fresh, sweet peas, but every year I grow them I think to myself, “That was a lot of time, space, tending, and shelling for such a small return.” Is it a small return, though? That’s a subjective question. How do I quantify the satisfaction inherent in the process of growing, harvesting, preparing, and then tasting those fresh peas? To borrow from Marie Kondo, they definitely “spark joy.” I suppose for me, staking out a row for peas, knowing the return is objectively modest, is worthwhile and it’s causing no harm. For someone else, the effort would simply look unsustainable. Everything we do, buy, produce, or spend time on can be subjectively evaluated in the same way unless it is simply crystal clear that whatever we’re analyzing is objectively harmful or unsustainable.

I think you get the gist of my musings. In my life there have been several crossroads at which the unsustainability of a single decision or accumulation of decisions has become so unbearable that some kind of disruptive change has been necessary to create a more tenable life situation. What I am learning now is that by looking at sustainability in a holistic, multi-contextual way, I can make better decisions that will work in the direction of ease and responsibility – to myself, to others, and to the planet – instead of accumulating in to an unsustainable morass. These decisions include what I choose to do and have and what I choose not to do and not to have.

Henry David Thoreau distilled this down to its very essence when he wrote, “The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.” Thoreau lived as though he planned to stay, conducting his life with an economy that is rarely matched in modern day America. In fact, his economy with words is one I apparently can not hope to achieve.

I’d be very interested to know your thoughts on this topic and the contexts in which sustainability has meaning for you. In a country where some of us have too much and yet others have much too little, what are the moral implications of seeking sustainability in a variety of ways as well? Feel free to join the discussion. I know I don’t have even a fraction of the answers.

Parris House Savory Dill Easter Bread. What will you choose to sustain with your metaphorical half a loaf? (For recipe, click HERE.)

 

2018 at the Parris House – A Visual Year in Review and a Pondering of Gratitude

We are in the last hours of 2018 and I find myself thinking about the psychological concept of negativity bias, explained on Wikipedia this way: “The negativity bias, also known as the negativity effect, is the notion that, even when of equal intensity, things of a more negative nature (e.g. unpleasant thoughts, emotions, or social interactions; harmful/traumatic events) have a greater effect on one’s psychological state and processes than neutral or positive things.”  I admit I fall victim to this.  If someone asked me “How as 2018?” I might respond with a long sigh…even a groan.  I mean, hey, I listen to a LOT of NPR.  My political and social proclivities are known to most of you.  No need to elaborate here.  But I’ve got a great antidote to our natural negativity bias.  Go back and look at your Facebook or Instagram photos from 2018.  Yes, it’s a known hazard of social media that we post our “highlight reels.”  This does have the effect of perhaps sugar coating things and, it is ever important to say, we should never judge our own real lives by the highlight reels of others.  But I am arguing here that these photos can also serve as a gratitude journal of sorts, assembled perhaps unintentionally but there nonetheless.

The working title of my upcoming book is A Year at the Parris House and that’s exactly what these photos, culled from the Parris House Wool Works Facebook page and posted during 2018 show. While these are highlights, and specifically highlights related to my fiber art and homesteading life, they also represent a good part of my personal reality and one that I enjoy sharing with others.  It doesn’t mean that nothing bad happened to me, my loved ones, my friends, or especially my country during 2018.  But these photos are one hundred and seventy five or so touchstones for gratitude.  They show in my professional life: a book contract, a successful gardening and beekeeping season, an article and project in Making Magazine, my first book advance, a writing and making trip to my beloved Nova Scotia, work on a major commissioned piece, my ongoing work with Beekman 1802, happy times teaching and demonstrating skills and arts (here, at Beekman 1802, and at the Sabbathday Lake Shaker Village), two hook-ins (Belfast & Paris Hill), and our remarkable Get Hooked at Sea trip aboard the Schooner J&E Riggin with so many other talented souls.

I shared some personal points of gratitude too, including another trip to Nova Scotia for the graduation of my son James’ girlfriend, Beth, from Dalhousie University, and the highlight of my entire year, the wedding of my son, Robert, to his beautiful bride, Tracy.  My relatively new Collie companion, Wyeth, has been at my side for all of this.

2019 is already shaping up to be another year of gratitude.  I am working on another magazine project and article, finishing up that major commissioned piece, finishing up my book manuscript, and starting the redecorating/sprucing up of the Parris House for its opening in 2020 as a fiber art/homesteading/heritage skills center, just in time for the publication of my book.  I am also in the beginning stages of a new teaching initiative I’m brainstorming with some cherished collaborators and, of course, Ellen Marshall of Two Cats and Dog Hooking and I are already taking registrations for Get Hooked at Sea II.  I may even get to Rhinebeck this year (fingers crossed on the new vendor juried application) and I will definitely be back at the Sharon Springs Harvest Festival.  On a personal note, my two youngest sons, Peter and Paul, and Paul’s girlfriend, Gabi, are graduating from college in May.  I have reached an age where not knowing what else a year will bring is met with anticipation rather than anxiety, although, being no stranger to tragedy in my own life and in the lives of those I love, I am hoping all of us can avoid that unknown this year.

I would encourage you to look back at your own photos from the past year and linger over them long enough to remember the moments in which they were taken.  Most importantly, remember the people in your life who made that moment possible and take some time to thank them for their part in making the best of whatever 2018 dished out.  We do nothing, achieve nothing, are nothing, alone.  In my case I need to thank my family, my friends, my VA, Paul McCoy of Practically Arts Studio, my assistant, Heather Daggett, the Tuesday group, my online customers, and all of the makers, including Ron Adams of Bear Pond Wood Works and Edna Olmstead, who have helped stock the shop with good things since day one. I need also to thank Josh Kilmer-Purcell, Brent Ridge, and everyone at Team Beekman 1802 for continuing to afford me an opportunity to better make a living with my art and also spread the art to a wider audience than I would have on my own. To every venue and every publication that has ever hosted me for teaching or writing – including Beekman 1802, Sabbathday Lake Shaker Village, Telstar Adult Ed, Stitchery in Rhode Island, Portfiber, Rug Hooking Magazine, Making Magazine, the Schooner J&E Riggin, and now my publishers at Down East Books/Rowman & Littlefield.   To mentors who have generously taught me so much: Connie Fletcher of Seven Gables Designs, Susan Feller of Susan L. Feller, Artwools,  Eric Davis, Vanessa Rogers of Backwoods Bee Farm, Carol Cottrill, Lisa Steele of Fresh Eggs Daily, David Homa of Post Carbon Designs, Edna Olmstead, Mike Iamele and the incredible people in our Mastermind group, Britt Bolnick of In Arms Coaching, and more.  I know I am risking leaving someone out by name; there are just so many to thank as this year winds down.  If you tried to write a paragraph like this, who would you come up with?  Perhaps take some time in the next few weeks to privately and even publicly thank them.

I don’t expect all of you to look at my pictures.  I have compiled them here as much for my own future reference as for your possible enjoyment.  There are about one hundred and seventy five of them, so click through some, all, or none, but do click through your own and, if you feel called to, tell us what you were grateful for in 2018.  Sometimes gratitude is just the fuel and inspiration we need to go out in to the world and help right the things that are wrong in it.

Thank you to every single one of you for your support in 2018 and I wish you a very happy, prosperous, and beauty filled 2019.  – Beth

*Note on clicking through…be sure your cursor is pointed on the side arrow which will appear as you hover on either side of the photo.  The arrows tend to shift up or down a little bit as the photos appear.

 

A New Book Coming…and I’m Writing It! What It’s About and How to Pre-Order

So, I’m writing a book.  For over a year I have been shopping a proposal to publishers.  I knew that I could self publish at any point, but I have wanted to collaborate with a publisher for many reasons, not the least of which is to tap in to a professional editor’s expertise in helping to make the book  something that will best serve my audience and that will have a viable distribution channel.   One publisher told me that the proposed book was too broad for their niche.  Another publisher told me it was too niche for their broad audience.  Fortunately, like Goldilocks, I found a match that was just right in Down East Books, headquartered in Rockport, Maine (yes, I know the image says Camden, but trust me on this), which is an imprint of Rowman & Littlefield in Maryland.

This book is both in itself, and is about, the realization of dreams.  I learned to read when I was three.  My mother always said I was two but I’m adding a year to that to make up for a possible exaggeration on her part.  I mean, maybe?  But no matter.  I started writing stories at about age five, drawing pictures to go with them.  I remember one in particular was titled, “The Foggy Frog.”  I collected frogs, the toy and figurine type, although I played with real live toads on the regular outdoors on the edge of the southern NJ Pine Barrens where I grew up.  I remember the pictures I drew.  I could recreate them even today.  By the time I was twelve I knew I wanted to publish books of my own.  I was twelve over forty years ago.  In the intervening four decades I had stopped listening to the inner me who wanted to write, make art, play music, and have a creative career.  People who meet me today think I’ve been working in the creative economy my entire life, but it’s only been since 2014 that I’ve worked in fiber art full time.  By the time my new book is published it will be 2020.  I will turn fifty-five years old in 2020.  I want you to hear something loudly and clearly in this:  it is never too late to realize a dream.

The working title of this book is,  Seasons at the Parris House: Heritage Skills for a Contemporary Life.  I have no idea at this moment whether or not that will be the title on the front of my book when it is released in 2020 but it captures the essence of what it is about.  Let me take an excerpt from my proposal to explain the vantage point from which I approach this project:

“When I was thirty five, eighteen years ago, my husband and I moved ourselves and our four then-little sons from the urban/suburban Princeton, NJ area, a region in which we had spent our entire lives, to rural Western Maine.  We went from a 1950s mid century modern cape on a suburban lot to a two hundred year old Federal home and barn in a National Historic District. Our new neighbor across the street had a cow in the backyard, much to our young sons’ amusement.   I was a stay at home mother with a degree in Business Administration/Marketing from the University of Delaware. I had, prior to becoming an at-home mom, worked in market research and in procurement and project management for a large defense contracting company on busy Route 1 in NJ.  I didn’t garden, I didn’t hook rugs, I didn’t keep chickens or bees, I had no idea how to can food. Upon arriving to the Parris House, I noticed that our apple trees looked like they needed some attention, but I had no idea what to do. Sometimes I baked. But it seemed as though almost everyone around me in my new home was proficient in at least one heritage skill, whether they were my age or old timers, and I thought, “That’s amazing.  I need to learn these things too.” That was the beginning of my journey of bringing heritage skills into my own life, without a big farm, without a lot of formal training, but rather learning them the way the people around me had learned them: the passing on of knowledge, often inter-generationally, from one human being to another.”

That was my situation upon the realization of one of my most fervent dreams to that point, which had been to move to rural Maine and raise my sons here.  What I know now is that the desire to work with my hands, create something out of nothing, grow and preserve food, keep animals and insects, and “practice heritage skills,” was not unique to me.  In the nearly two decades I have lived here in Maine and collected a new skill set, the yearning for these skills among the general population has only increased, including among people living in urban areas and people with little to no land at all to work with.  I tell people all the time that none of this is rocket science, but they often seem skeptical.  They seem to believe that heritage skills are complicated, mysterious, or beyond their reach.  They are not, and this book is for anyone who wants to make a start toward learning them.

I have always enjoyed the juxtaposition in my own life of living in a two hundred year old home in a National Historic District while always embracing the newest technology I could afford.  At the Parris House we have smart phones, smart lights, and smart thermostats.  This laptop I’m writing on right now, not to mention the fact that I use it to run a business that’s about 90% online, is a technological godsend.  We also have centuries old windows with wavy glass and completely pesticide free growing practices.   I dye wool in pots on top of a vintage gas range…and then sell that wool to anyone literally in the world who wants it via the internet.  You don’t have to live like Laura Ingalls on the prairie to embrace heritage skills, and you don’t have to completely forsake the solid methods of our ancestors to live a contemporary life.  Mix it up.  Make some dreams come true with it all.

The book will take you through the four seasons at the Parris House.  It will take a look at the historical contexts of the place, people who went before us, and lifestyle behind what we do here today.  Each season will have fiber art projects, recipes, growing tips, fun things for you to try yourself.  You do not need a farm.  You do not even need a lawn for some of these projects.   They will require no super specialized equipment, impossible to source ingredients, or secret codes to unlock. They will be simple, but not insult your intelligence.  Each featured project or recipe will result in something valuable, beautiful, and/or delicious but without unnecessary complication.  Many will be starting points or stepping stones to get you on your way to a deeper study of whatever it is you find you are most interested in.

It will have beautiful pictures, because I’m a visual person and I’m going to be taking lots of beautiful pictures for this project.

It will be a working book.   While I hope to make it visually inviting, it is not meant to sit on the coffee table or the shelf.  It is meant to be out and open on your kitchen counter or table, in your craft area, or even outside with you, as a reference and companion for the projects it contains.  Get it dirty, dog ear the pages, use the hell out of it.

For me personally, this book will be a grateful acknowledgment of Maine, of Paris Hill, and of the Parris House.  Without this setting, I would be a different person living a very different life.  That aspect will be strongest to me alone, though, because this book is really written for and focused on you in your place and in your life, be it urban or rural, east coast or west or somewhere in between, in North America or well beyond.

By the time this book is published, we will be gearing up here to offer seasonal quarterly retreats at the Parris House which will provide hands on experiences in fiber art and heritage skills, which will provide more learning opportunities for those who want to expand their making and doing.

Sound interesting?  I was brand-new-author-thrilled when I saw that Rowman & Littlefield had already put up a pre-order page for the book.  You can click on that HERE.   Please remember that publication is not scheduled until 2020.  In the meantime, I’m working hard!

If you would like to keep up to date on everything that’s planned for the next chapter (pun intended), a sign up box for our newsletter is at the bottom of every page of the website.  You will never be spammed.  In fact, the newsletter needs to publish a bit more often (as time allows…or doesn’t…).

For a glimpse of the Parris House homestead, enjoy the pics in the slideshow below.

That’s the big news from here.  Thank you for reading.  – Beth

 

Hooking & Heritage Skills Lessons, On Your Terms

Want to learn to hook?  Already hook and want to learn more?  Or maybe you’d like to learn some other heritage skill?

I recently had a student call the studio and say, “I want to learn to hook, but I want to make my own pattern.  Can you teach me to do that all in one lesson?”  The answer was, “Of course!”  

We will be listing some new regularly scheduled courses for 2019, but maybe you’d like a custom experience too, scheduled at your convenience.  At the Parris House in the National Historic District of Paris Hill, Maine, we teach rug hooking (beginner and specialty topics), wool dyeing, needle felted sachet making, cold process soap making, beginner rug hooking design and pattern making, and more.  If there’s something you’d like to learn, get in touch with us and we’ll make it happen. 

Art, craft, and homesteading classes make great:

friends & family activities

holiday gifts

bridal party or groomsmen gathering activities

birthday celebrations

experiences for college and school students of all ages

special self care treats 

inter-generational learning opportunities

We can create a custom experience at the two century old historic Parris House just for you or your group where you can leave with a memento of the occasion, be it hand crafted soap, a beautiful sachet pillow, a hooked mug rug, plus a new shared pastime. 

To arrange a Parris House learning experience, contact us to get the process started.  We look forward to introducing you to something new!

 

Learning to Trust the Journey – Four Days on the Schooner J&E Riggin

The J&E Riggin in her home port at Rockland, Maine, shortly before we boarded.

As many of you know, I was aboard the Schooner J&E Riggin for four days last week as an organizer and facilitator of 207 Creative‘s Get Hooked at Sea event.  I am sure we’ll do a blog post for the 207 Creatives website or Facebook page on the trip as a hooking retreat and workshop, however, this post is about my personal experiences and insights.  This was my first time on a large sailing vessel, seeing my beloved Maine from an entirely different vantage point and I can honestly say I am changed.  This post is about that.

A bit about the J&E Riggin…

The J&E Riggin is a two masted schooner, 89 feet long (not including the bowsprit), over 20 feet wide, built in New Jersey in 1927 as an oyster harvesting boat on the Delaware Bay.  For its complete history you can go to the beautiful website its owners, husband and wife co-captains Jon Finger and Annie Mahle, have lovingly put together at www.mainewindjammer.com.  One of the most striking things about this schooner is how immaculately restored and maintained it is, in incredibly authentic condition.  It does not have onboard power save for the sails.  When becalmed or when in need of maneuvering in the harbors, it is propelled by a small yawl boat Captain Jon built by hand himself.   The yawl boat is a work of art in itself.  When it’s time for the anchor to be raised, no auxiliary power is employed.  It is raised by the muscle of around four crew and/or volunteers with a gear and lever apparatus.  I tried it.  It’s hard work.  At night, the boat is lit mostly by kerosene lantern.  All of Captain/Chef Annie’s world class meals are prepared in a tiny galley kitchen on a wood burning cook stove.  Annie is a Culinary Institute of America graduate, cook book author, and celebrity chef (she may demur at that last thing, but let’s face it – she is) who has let none of this affect her completely down to earth, generous, and kind demeanor.  The food is…incredible.  Captain Jon, aside from being the captain of our journey, is also an accomplished watercolor artist, musician, and more.  Jon and Annie are the devoted parents of two daughters who were raised, in part, on the Riggin.  Back at home, they keep bees and chickens, and they garden.  Quite a bit of the farm fresh ingredients that made their way in to our meals were from Jon and Annie’s homestead.

The J&E Riggin as she is today is the result of loving stewardship that respects her age, history, and heritage and my respect for Captains Jon and Annie and their equally wonderful crew of five is boundless.  These are hard working people who make their guests not only feel welcome, but feel as though they become a part of the J&E Riggin family in a few short days.

Chef Annie explaining the fine art of eating oysters to the uninitiated. These were, by the way, the very best, sweetest, freshest oysters I’ve ever eaten.

We see a lot of messages in our social media feeds that go something like this:  “Trust the journey.”  “It’s not the destination that matters, it’s the road there.”  “Live in the present, the future is not guaranteed.”  As a fiber art teacher I also often encourage my students to enjoy the process and remain open to the outcome that results, rather than holding an expectation concretely during the making.  At the Squam Art Workshops, where I taught for two years, “process over product” was a mantra.  Indeed, on our Get Hooked at Sea retreat aboard the Riggin, not a single one of us finished our lovely project guided by teacher Maggie Bonanomi, but we were fine with that.  It was about the process, the making, the camaraderie, and we will share our final products with one another over the coming months.  On the J&E Riggin, this concept becomes very literal.  One morning I asked Captain Jon where we were going that day.  He said, “I don’t know!”  And he meant it.

The J&E Riggin’s usual sailing territory for guests is in Maine’s Midcoast Penobscot Bay, approximately between Boothbay and the Acadia area.  Where she sails on any given day is determined by the wind and weather.  Every trip leaves from Rockland, which, as an aside, is my favorite town in Maine.   Rockland is central to those two approximate sailing boundaries and the weather will determine which way Captain Jon takes the Riggin.  It is a “sail to nowhere” and yet, it is very much a sail to somewhere.

For me, that somewhere was a place of revelation.  One comical revelation was that, in spite of not being able to ride in the back seat of a car without turning green, I can be a passenger on a schooner in open water and not feel a single twinge of seasickness.  My bag was packed with a tub of crystallized ginger and two boxes of Dramamine but neither proved necessary.

Other revelations were more serious.  One was how very badly I had needed a trip just like this one, a trip with no set destination and with very limited connection to the news, the internet, and the demands of my every day business life.  Another was my need to spend time with creative and energetic people.  This trip was shared with creative people all around: captains, crew, and guests, who were pursuing something meaningful to them upon which they each made their individual imprints.  The crew, four young men in their twenties and one woman around my age, I believe, were phenomenal examples of extremely gifted people sharing their gifts in ways most people only dream of.  Captains Annie and Jon were unwittingly providing to me an example of sincere and exemplary hospitality that I know I will use as a reference point when we open the Parris House to retreat and workshop guests in 2020.   They refer to their relationship with the J&E Riggin as one of stewardship, not ownership, which resonates with me as we have never claimed ownership of the 200 year old Parris House either.  You can only steward these great old entities while it is your time.  They predate and outlive us if all goes well.

Related was the revelation of just how much I require freedom and space over my life and over my time.  There is a tremendous feeling of freedom when you are a guest on a schooner in the big Penobscot Bay.  I can only speak as a guest because I was well aware of the constraints the captains and crew were under as they make sure every detail of the trip is attended to for us.  As a guest, however, I was able to make the mind blowing observations regarding the power of the wind, the vastness of the ocean (especially when it looks so big, yet we’d not even left the bay), and how small my favorite landmarks looked along the shore.  My perspective on everything was turned upside down/inside out when I was looking at places I’d only seen from land from out on the water.  I realized that there are so many things I’ve never seen before and will probably never see in this lifetime, and with that realization came the knowledge that I had better choose very carefully how I spend my remaining years.  I booked another trip on the Riggin for my husband and myself in 2019 halfway through our voyage.

Fog hanging over the harbor off Warren Island State Park

And then there is just the overall awareness that we do not have to, in fact usually we can not, know our destination for much of our journey in this life.  Our daily journeys, led by Captain Jon, always ended in some beautiful harbor, in fair weather or foul, expected or unexpected, with limited control over the destination because of zero control over the weather.  On the journey, the captain controls what he can in the context of what he can’t.  Sometimes the sailing is relatively blind.  On the first day under sail we were treated to a fog bank.  We could see it on the horizon when we set out and within about an hour we were engulfed in it.  Visibility was low.  The J&E Riggin’s fog signal rang out in to the bay.  Sometimes we could see other vessels just within our visible range, looking like ghost ships.  Other vessels a little further off would have been invisible.  The J&E Riggin is equipped with modern GPS, radar, and radio communication.  It is also equipped with an experienced captain.  Therefore, we were never in danger although we could not see.  It is often human nature to fear when sailing blind, when we don’t know what’s next, but it is actually the essential nature of our lives.  Uncertainty of outcome is a given as long as we can not bend time to see our futures.  What choice do we have when rising in the morning but to answer the question, “Where are we going today?” with “I don’t know!”

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m a list maker, a planner.  I chart out every day, every week, every to-do list.  I make plans and try to follow them.  I act with intention on what I can when I can if not doing so would lead to perceived disaster.  Examples are how I conduct my dearest relationships, my health, my business, my class preparations, my writing, my home.  But those four days as a guest aboard the J&E Riggin persuaded me to loosen the parameters on my life and make time and space for more experiences like that one.  The world will not stop turning if I can’t answer an email within fifteen minutes.   Spending half a day hiking my favorite mountains here in Western Maine might inspire more art pieces and workshop ideas than working away at my desk on something seemingly important but with, in the long run, a weaker return on time invested.  On the Riggin there is a truly beautiful efficiency to everything, and I do mean beautiful.  Nothing is out of place, everything is immaculate, all details and contingencies are planned for, and the result is pure elegance of experience, and yet…uncertainty in destination is not only acknowledged, it is celebrated.  What an example for living.

Here is a slideshow of our trip for your enjoyment.  If you would like to book the trip of a lifetime on the Schooner J&E Riggin go to the website at www.mainewindjammer.com.  Reservations for the 2019 season are being taken now.   For those wondering if we’re working on another Get Hooked at Sea trip, the answer is “Yes!  We are!”  So please watch for posts about that as we figure out the details and timing.

 

 

 

 

Blondie, MassMoCA, the Susan B. Anthony Birthplace, Shaker Museums, Dogs, and the Impossibility of Failure – Part 2

Detail from a hand quilted replica of a quilt made by Susan B. Anthony at the Susan B. Anthony Birthplace Musuem.

(If you have not read “Part 1,” and want to, please just scroll back to the post immediately prior to this one.)

We left off on the last post with my husband, Bill, and I out in Western Massachusetts having been to a Blondie concert, MassMoCA and the Museum of Dog.  I’ve saved the historical sites for this part of the story.

As many of you know, I have been involved at some level with the Sabbathday Lake Shaker community for quite a few years.  I have volunteered on work days, taught rug hooking, and demonstrated the craft for Open Farm Day and Harvest Festival there.  I have unabashedly fallen in love with the place, so aptly known as “Chosen Land” to the Shakers, and with the people there.  Along with a truly dedicated staff and team of volunteers, for whom the work is clearly deeply meaningful, there are the living Shakers themselves, Brother Arnold and Sister June.  For them, Sabbathday Lake is home, and because of them, it is a sacred place that can not be, and I do not believe will ever be, considered wholly a museum.

In spite of my involvement with Sabbathday Lake and my interest in Shaker history, I had never been to any of the Shaker museums that are just a day’s drive or less from home.  It was at the Susan B. Anthony Birthplace, in Adams, that the very kind and capable staff recommended a visit to the Hancock Shaker Village, only about thirty minutes from there.  But first, let’s talk about the Susan B. Anthony Birthplace Museum.

The Susan B. Anthony Birthplace Museum is extremely well done in every possible way.  I would highly recommend you click on the link and thoroughly explore their website and then make plans to visit.  Upon entering the gift shop, where you must purchase your tickets before going in to the homestead, you will be greeted by knowledgeable and friendly staff members who have a clear enthusiasm for the museum and its history.  You will have the choice of having a docent give you a guided tour, using an electronic audio/visual tour device, or simply going through the home in a self guided way, reading the plentiful and detailed exhibit descriptions in every room.  My husband chose the A/V tour and I chose to just walk through the museum on my own.

This museum is so professionally and engagingly arranged and annotated that I was taking mental notes on how this example might inform decisions for our own historical society back home.  Every aspect of Susan B. Anthony’s remarkable life is covered, from her family of origin, to her early life and career as a teacher, to her work in the temperance, abolitionist, and of course, women’s’ suffrage movement.  All of this history and context comes very much alive with the extraordinary collection of artifacts, documents, and ephemera belonging to her and/or her life story.  I think my favorite artifact in the museum (a photo is in the slide show below) is the plaster cast made of her clasping hands with Elizabeth Cady Stanton.  I felt goosebumps as I looked at this incredible object.  And, being a fiber/textile geek, I was also very interested in the completely hand-quilted replica of a quilt that Susan had made as a young person.  Additionally, there are antique woven coverlets, linens, dresses, and the tools of carding and spinning in the home.  It is beyond the scope of this post to tell the entire story, but again, the museum website is extremely thorough, much like the museum, so click on over to that for so much more information, including on the restoration of the home itself.

Susan B. Anthony died in 1906, fourteen years before women were finally given the vote in the United States.  It is unfortunate that she did not live to see the final fulfillment of that dream, but she left behind millions of grateful women, including those of us who were not yet born.  My grandmother was three years old in 1906 and seventeen years old before women had the vote.  I have thought about that often, that my own grandmother was born in a time when she might never have expected to vote.  It means that we have not had this privilege in America for very long.  Let us never fail to exercise it.

Susan B. Anthony may have been certain that eventually her work would win the day, even if she wouldn’t live to see it. She is quoted as saying, “Failure is impossible.”  The gift shop at her birthplace has silver toned bracelets with these words in them, and I couldn’t leave without one.

Here are the photos I took, with permission, which do not begin to do justice to the museum.

 

We took the staff at the Susan B. Anthony Birthplace Museum at their word and went, the next day, Sunday, to the Hancock Shaker Village in Pittsfield, Massachusetts.   Here are excerpts of the introduction on their website:

“Hancock Shaker Village began in the late 1780s, when nearly 100 Believers consolidated a community on land donated by local farmers who had converted to the Shaker movement. By the 1830s, with a great many more conversions and additional land acquisitions, the Shaker community peaked in population with more than 300 Believers and more than 3,000 acres……Eventually, forces outside the community, including the industrial revolution and the shifting of America from a rural to an urban society, worked against their continued growth and stability. By the early 1900s, with dwindling converts, the Shaker population at Hancock declined to about 50 Believers, most of them Sisters and orphan girls who had been adopted by the community, and only a few adult Brethren……Many outlying acres of land were sold off, and buildings were razed during the final decades of the Hancock community. In 1959, when the Shakers could no longer maintain their City of Peace, they sold the remaining property to a local group committed to preserving the Shaker heritage. The utopian village known as Hancock Shaker Village continues its life today as a history museum with 20 authentic buildings, a working farm and significant collections of Shaker furniture and artifacts.”

I have to objectively say that this is an absolutely lovely and beautifully curated museum village of over twenty historic buildings and thousands of Shaker artifacts, not to mention the extensive gardens, extremely knowledgeable and personable docents, and an onsite visitors’ and educational center.  It is also a breathtaking venue for weddings and events.  I say “objectively” because I have to remove the part of myself that compares it to Sabbathday Lake.  This is not a fair comparison and should not be made.  Sabbathday Lake is literally the only Shaker location on Earth that is an active Shaker community with a working farm, shops, gardens, and livestock that are not strictly for educational purposes, but are actually the continuing business in support of the living Shakers who have been conducting their spiritual and working lives there since 1783.   Sabbathday Lake is the only place on Earth where you can attend an actual Shaker worship service.  No Shaker museum in the country should be compared to this, because their missions are different.  The other museums are doing critically important work in preserving and honoring the memory of the Shakers who no longer inhabit those locations and educating the public about Shaker life.

Having said that (and then I’ll leave this point alone, I promise), that part-of-me-that-was-comparing-and-should-not-have-been felt a profound sadness at Hancock.  I left there, after having a truly wonderful visit, more committed than ever to my volunteer work at Sabbathday Lake with a renewed sense of just how precious that community is, how rare, how indescribably valuable, and how humbled I am by my luck to have it right here in my own backyard in Maine.

OK, onward.  Hancock Shaker Village is a must see on your trip through the Berkshires and Western Massachusetts.  It is possible to spend an entire day, maybe more, there going through each building, taking advantage of the tours and demonstrations that are offered, having a bite to eat in a remarkable fresh food cafe on site, and shopping the gift shop (where, incidentally, they sell products still made at Sabbathday Lake, as does the Mount Lebanon historic site which we will talk about in a bit).  It was so much fun to do the right kind of comparing when we saw the Hancock dwelling house, the laundry room, the dining area, the meeting house and seeing how they were similar and yet different to these same spaces at Sabbathday Lake.  Bill teaches soap making in the laundry room at Sabbathday Lake and was having a great time in its companion space at Hancock.

Across the street from the main village there is a path back to the reservoir and also leading to the Shaker cemetery, which characteristically has just a single stone representing all who are buried there.  The gate was open to the actual burying ground, but out of reverence we remained outside the gate.  It is a beautiful and peaceful place to visit and to remember the bustling Christian community that once existed there.

Here are a few pictures of Hancock Shaker Village, including pics of its iconic stone round barn.  As before, I took a lot of fiber/textile related photographs.  Notice also the beautiful lunch I had in the cafe there.

 

Finally, before heading for home, we went over the state line in to Mount Lebanon, New York to visit the Mount Lebanon Shaker Historic Site.   Unfortunately, I did not take many pictures there, and, in any case, I would encourage you to also explore their website.   Here is an excerpt from the history on the website:

“The Shakers at Mount Lebanon led the largest and most successful utopian communal society in America for 160 years, from 1787 to 1947.

From this central community developed the Shakers’ ideals of equality of labor, gender, and race, as well as communal property, freedom, and pacifism. From Mount Lebanon also grew the now famous Shaker aesthetic of simplicity, expressed in their objects, furniture, buildings, and village planning.

With over 6,000 acres and 100 buildings, Mount Lebanon Shaker Village was a driving force in the agricultural, industrial, commercial, and institutional activities of its day. The Village was divided into smaller “Family” groups (Church, Second, Center, North, East, South, and so on.), each with its own leadership, members, and commercial activities. As the Shaker community declined in population in the early 20th century, the site was gradually sold to various private owners, including the Darrow School, which still inhabits Mount Lebanon’s Church and Center Families, and the Abode of the Message which inhabits the South Family’s buildings.

Mount Lebanon was named a National Historic Landmark in 1965, and was recognized by the World Monuments Fund in both 2004 and 2006 as one of the 100 most significant endangered historic sites in the world.

The North Family today houses the museum and consists of 11 buildings on 91 acres. The iconic North Family Great Stone Barn – measuring 50’ wide, four stories high, and nearly 200’ long, was a testament to the ingenuity, faith, and perseverance of the Shakers. In September 1972 the barn was totally gutted by a catastrophic fire, leaving only its four massive masonry walls standing.”

I will say that those four masonry walls, still standing, are jaw dropping.  There is an effort underway to restore that structure.

We were met in the visitors’ building by a friendly docent who again had great depth of knowledge about the history there.  We did not have much time to explore the site because it was already mid afternoon and we had a five hour drive ahead of us to get home.  I would very much like to go back there to walk the grounds.  It’s important to note that much of what was the village is now occupied by a private school, so this site is not as intact as Hancock appears to be.  Nonetheless, this is a very worthwhile destination.  I was struck by this sign when you walk in to the visitors’ center/gift shop.

This sign affirms what many don’t realize, that the Shakers were not shut out from the world, but rather traveling widely to conduct their business.  Nor did they spurn technology.  In fact, the Shakers were extremely inventive and created new ways of making their work more efficient.  Hancock Shaker Village’s website addresses the truths and legends regarding Shaker inventiveness:

What did the Shakers invent?
The Shakers were inventive people, embracing and often improving upon technology. There are many myths about Shaker inventions. Some are exaggerated truths; others are fiction. Because the Shakers, as a show of humility, often did not patent their inventions and improvements, it is difficult to say how many things they invented.Current scholarship indicates that the Shakers most likely invented the flat broom. They were one of the first to put garden seeds in printed paper packets for sale. They may have invented an early (but perhaps not the first) version of a circular saw. Authentication of many other Shaker inventions or improvements on existing technologies and items is debated and discussed to this day.”

The most observant among you may be asking, “So what about the other bracelet from Part 1?  Where did that come from?”

On Sunday morning, before we left Adams, we went to a funky little cafe on its main street called the Coffee Liberation Front.   I had a delicious fresh quiche for breakfast with equally great coffee.  Bill had a rainbow striped “unicorn bagel.”

It turned out that one of the owners makes imaginative beaded jewelry, much of it with nods to different meanings and energies.  Whether you believe in New Age concepts or not, her work is lovely.  I chose a bracelet with “air” charms on it – a hummingbird, wings, feathers, a butterfly  -things related to flight.  I think I was drawn to it because, in both my life and my work, I am seeking as much freedom as I can create for myself.  It, along with the “Failure is impossible” bracelet from the Susan B. Anthony Birthplace Museum are happy reminders of both an enjoyable weekend away and my desired life direction.

I hope you have enjoyed these two posts highlighting our weekend away and hope even more you will visit some of the places I’ve described.  If you have traveled to any of these places as well, I’d love to hear your impressions about them in the comments.  If you have interest in Shaker life, I would very much encourage you to visit the Sabbathday Lake community in New Gloucester, Maine, just about half an hour south of the Parris House.   There is truly inspiration everywhere.